One of the most remarkable things about the nervous system is its intelligence.
It is constantly adapting to the conditions it encounters.
If our environment is unpredictable, becoming hypervigilant makes sense.
If love depends on anticipating the needs of others, people-pleasing makes sense.
If expressing emotions is met with rejection or punishment, learning to suppress them makes sense.
These survival strategies are not signs of a defective nervous system or a lack of intelligence.
However their function is to reduce overwhelming distress by returning the nervous system to a level of activation it can manage, as quickly as possible; not support long-term blossoming.
Many of these strategies emerge in childhood, at a time when our understanding of ourselves and the world is necessarily limited. They are often remarkably intelligent responses to the conditions we were given.
AND, as adults, we gain capacities that were simply not available to us then. We develop greater perspective, agency and independence. Yet when our nervous system is under significant load, it will often fall back on the pathways that once helped us survive. Over time, what once helped us survive can become one of the things that limits us most.
I think that’s why, as I have witnessed over and over in my work with clients, one of the first responses to becoming aware of these patterns is self-judgment.
But looking at these patterns with judgement can actually stall the healing process.
This is why one of the key elements of my process with my clients is to learn to look at our survival strategies with benevolence and appreciation.
Healing isn't about getting rid of parts of ourselves or suppressing them through shame.
It's about tending with love to the inner ground from which our responses emerge.
As that ground becomes richer and more fertile, we gradually recover access to more of who we have always been capable of becoming.
#trauma #healing #maturation